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Mikes I Know

Sure, everyone knows evil Mike's and everyone knows the top Mike's...but what about the Mike's nobody knows about? It has recently come to my attention that the reasons I find Mike's so great are because of the ones I know. Frankly, I think I'm being selfish by not sharing these Mike's with the world. So yes, while you may not know any of the names on the list that follows...learn them. Experience them. This is what being a Mike is all about.

1) Mike Shecter - College Roommate

Today I say thanks to you Mike Shecter. It was your tenacity and perseverance to never stop doing what you love that kept me going. It was you that forced me to go out not 2, 3 or even 4 nights a week. You made me go out a record setting 6 nights a week. Why we had to share a room after you’d been diagnosed as a chronic masturbator is beyond my realm of comprehension, but I applaud you for taping a sign on our door that said “Batin’”. I blame myself for walking in the first time thinking it had to do with fishing. It was your “Hands On” policy that allowed me to be hands on with more girls than I can count. You were one of a kind, and I’m sorry I made everyone call you ‘KY’.

2) Mike – Subway Sandwich Artist

Hey Mike. I wish I knew your last name but your, “Welcome to Subway, my name is MIKE” tag doesn’t go the distance. At first I was hesitant walking in, seeing you behind the counter, but your poise and attitude made up for it. Sure, I’ve never had a paralyzed man in a wheel chair make my sandwich with his mouth before, but I think you’ve opened my eyes. I now see people for all the special talents they truly have. Sure, some people would think it's gross that you had to put the veggies in your mouth before they get on my sandwich, but I look it as less chewing for me. You just made my day a whole hell of a lot easier!

3) Drunk Uncle Mike – Alcoholic

What’s going on Uncle Mike? Still living the dream? I don’t know if you get internet access in rehab, but I needed to voice my opinion about you somewhere. I remember thinking back to all those great times when I’d come over your house and there would already be other kids my age hanging out. It was weird, cause you didn’t have any kids, and the kids that were there seemed incredibly out of place, but we always had fun! Mom never explained why you “went away” but I know wherever you are, you’re probably still playing, “Where’s the Hot Dog?”

4) Mike Rotch - Co-worker

What up Rotchy. People may not know this, but Mike Rotch is incredible. Mike Rotch is legendary. People are constantly coming up to me and are like, "Where is he?" and I'm like, "Who?", and they're like, "you know who", and I'm like, "Mike Rotch? Do you wanna see Mike Rotch? Is Mike Rotch what you're looking for?" It never fails that that is what they always wanna see. So thanks to you Mike Rotch, I've had more people come up to me then I ever thought possible. Mike Rotch is a work of art.